Narcissists Have 2 Types of Interests in Their Children

A deep dive into a devastating control mechanism

Alen M. Vukelić
8 min readNov 27, 2020


Photo by Shane Devlin on Unsplash

Since narcissists see their children as nothing but an extension of themselves, they will do everything in their power to sabotage their development into independent adults. Anything that even remotely resembles a fully-functioning human being will be obstructed from an early age.

Because independence means their children’s eventual departure, and departure means loss of control, they will do everything in their power to stop that. They’d rather have their children develop a lifelong dependency than see them succeed on their own.

➤How narcissists perceive their children

The only time when narcissists would want to see their children succeed is if they were to gain direct benefit from it. It could be financial wealth, but would much rather prefer something that enhances their personal status, like power and influence. As said earlier, they don’t see their children as individual people, they see them as an extension of themselves. A reward given to their child is a reward given to them.

That is not to be confused with the pride parents feel because of their child’s achievements in life. When the parents genuinely rejoice in another’s success — and when that someone also happens to be their child. The genuine appreciation to see someone fulfill their dreams and ambitions — it’s not that.

It’s more like winning the lottery.

Narcissists believe the whole world functions like they do. That everyone is on the lookout to take advantage of someone else. A constant predator and prey game, where all you do is hope you get to be the predator more often than the prey. And if you succeed in doing so, then you had a good life. A reptilian brain kind of existence in which their own children are only part of the play.

There’s no deeper understanding of what it means to pass on life to another human being. And not the slightest clue that their children exist independently. A lack of empathy inhibits their ability to relate any of their actions to an outcome. All that goes wrong is unrelated to them. Circumstances and other people are responsible for everything that…



Alen M. Vukelić

I write about the resistance to change, the unwillingness to take risks, and paralysis of indecision — only the good stuff.