Why Children of Narcissists Become Control Freaks
Waking up in a narcissist-controlled environment means never knowing what’s going to happen next. Maybe they decide to move, quit their job, or get into a senseless argument with their neighbor just before breakfast is ready.
Children of narcissists never experience stability, all they do is maneuver their way from one situation to another in order to escape the next major havoc.
Indian mystic Osho once said that humanity begins when basic needs are met. What he meant is that as long as one faces existential threats, all higher virtues are on the back burner. Living with narcissists is just that: a constant existential threat which inhibits all possibility for growth and prosperity.
If good parenting consists of providing support, showing love, setting limits, and teaching responsibility — then narcissistic parenting provides none of that. Not only do their children need to figure out these cornerstone structures for themselves, they often end up in a reversed role, trying to set boundaries for their parents’ out of control behavior.
Children of narcissists live in an inverted reality
Driven by a true wish to find common ground with their parents, their children turn to every imaginable way to communicate their frustration — but to no avail. Of course, what their children don’t know is that they are not dealing with a “lack of understanding” but with a serious personality disorder which at its core encompasses all good parenting traits — only mirror-inverted.
Providing support turns into ➜ Demanding attention
Showing love turns into ➜ Requiring constant admiration
Setting limits turns into ➜ Grandiose fantasies and entitlement
Teaching responsibility turns into ➜ Reckless, impulsive, and risky behavior
The narcissist’s complete lack of self-reflection and denial of shortcomings completely oppose what their children want to achieve. Conversely, narcissists deliberately sow instability every step of the way to maintain influence over their children, or any other…